As a public service to those who believe that the Bible is the inerrant word of God, here are a few verses you might have missed in Sunday school.
Some people have complained that one does not get a fair picture of any book as a whole by looking at some of the more egregious passages. Fair enough. However, the Bible is not just any book. Billions of people revere it as the word of God, or at least inspired by God, and therefore profess to live life with its guidance. These quotes make it clear that, at least, the reader should think twice about taking any guidance from this book. Many speak of "Biblical values" or "Bible-based values." These quotes are evidence that people making such claims should be disregarded at best or feared at worst. The quotes also make the point that any god that might have had a hand in this book's creation would have been a strange god indeed.
1 No one who has been emasculated by crushing or cutting may enter the assembly of the LORD.
2 No one born of a forbidden marriage nor any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation.
3 No Ammonite or Moabite or any of his descendants may enter the assembly of the LORD, even down to the tenth generation.
10 If one of your men is unclean because of a nocturnal emission, he is to go outside the camp and stay there.
11 But as evening approaches he is to wash himself, and at sunset he may return to the camp.
13 And thou shalt have a paddle upon thy weapon; and it shall be, when thou wilt ease thyself abroad, thou shalt dig therewith, and shalt turn back and cover that which cometh from thee.
22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.Don't do it with animals either.
23 Neither shalt thou lie with any beast to defile thyself therewith: neither shall any woman stand before a beast to lie down thereto: it is confusion.
7 If a man sells his daughter as a servant, she is not to go free as menservants do.
32 If the bull gores a male or female slave, the owner must pay thirty shekels of silver to the master of the slave, and the bull must be stoned.
1 The LORD said to Moses on Mount Sinai, 2 "Speak to the Israelites and say to them: '... 44 Your male and female slaves are to come from the nations around you; from them you may buy slaves. 45 You may also buy some of the temporary residents living among you and members of their clans born in your country, and they will become your property. 46 You can will them to your children as inherited property and can make them slaves for life...'"More on slavery
26 Laban replied, "It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. 27 Finish this daughter's bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work." 28 And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife.
13 After he left Hebron, David took more concubines and wives in Jerusalem, and more sons and daughters were born to him.More on polygamy
2 Sons were born to David in Hebron: His firstborn was Amnon the son of Ahinoam of Jezreel; 3 his second, Kileab the son of Abigail the widow of Nabal of Carmel; the third, Absalom the son of Maacah daughter of Talmai king of Geshur; 4 the fourth, Adonijah the son of Haggith; the fifth, Shephatiah the son of Abital; 5 and the sixth, Ithream the son of David's wife Eglah. These were born to David in Hebron.
2 so she said to Abram, "The LORD has kept me from having children. Go, sleep with my maidservant; perhaps I can build a family through her." Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 3 So after Abram had been living in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife took her Egyptian maidservant Hagar and gave her to her husband to be his wife. 4 He slept with Hagar, and she conceived. When she knew she was pregnant, she began to despise her mistress.However, if you are a woman, extramarital sex gets you killed, and you are guilty unless proven innocent. Deuteronomy 22:20-21:
20 If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl's virginity can be found, 21 she shall be brought to the door of her father's house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death. She has done a disgraceful thing in Israel by being promiscuous while still in her father's house. You must purge the evil from among you.
10 When you go to war against your enemies and the LORD your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, 11 if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife.
28 If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay the girl's father fifty shekels of silver. He must marry the girl, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.
2 A bishop then must be blameless, the husband of one wife, vigilant, sober, of good behaviour, given to hospitality, apt to teach;
2 He made the Sea of cast metal, circular in shape, measuring ten cubits from rim to rim and five cubits high. It took a line of thirty cubits to measure around it.
18 If a man has a stubborn and rebellious son who does not obey his father and mother and will not listen to them when they discipline him, ... 21 Then all the men of his town shall stone him to death.
This is by no means an exhaustive list of the horrifying, immoral, contradictory, or just plain funny stuff in the Bible. Visit The Skeptic's Annotated Bible and Evil Bible for much more. Or, for Bible stories illustrated with Legos, visit The Brick Testament.Take the Wrath of God Bible Quiz!
Jon Dreyer